Monday, April 28, 2008
I think i'm having pre exam blues. I'm sitting here on my floor with books, papers and study guides surrounding me but i just don't have urge to pick it up and look through it. Granted that exams are in two weeks and i am really pretty screwed right now.
But in the end is it all worth it? I get to work at some faceless multinational corporation, work my ass of till 12 am everyday, get a fantastic promotion by the time i'm 40, ignore all my friends and in the end buy pretty expensive things to make me feel happy and accomplished.
Oh well, first i have to get through studying some lame ass module which incidently is probably going to be the most relevant subject in real life.
But i finally figured out why i hate it so much. With it's rules and preocdures, the constant flipping through the statute book. It's like a personification of my life. It's all about following orders, listening to what everyone wants from you, expects from you. And along the way what they want becomes what you want. And before you know it, you're screwed.
You end up applying for internships you really don't want but need. Oh it's great dinner conversation too, ' oh my kid's working in this bla bla firm. WOW'
You end up saying 'yes, sure okie' to everything you don't mind doing, but doesn't make you feel complete.
Sometimes i wish i was stronger than this. But then i do like pretty things too much. xD
I don't know why i'm so emo right now. Must be the exam stress building up.
It's the first time ever that i've been so prepared for something. Usually it's me freaking out the day before and trying deperately ,futilely to cram things in last minute. It usually works. But since that tactic failed last year, i tried working hard this year. And it's freaking me out.
Sighs...
But in the end is it all worth it? I get to work at some faceless multinational corporation, work my ass of till 12 am everyday, get a fantastic promotion by the time i'm 40, ignore all my friends and in the end buy pretty expensive things to make me feel happy and accomplished.
Oh well, first i have to get through studying some lame ass module which incidently is probably going to be the most relevant subject in real life.
But i finally figured out why i hate it so much. With it's rules and preocdures, the constant flipping through the statute book. It's like a personification of my life. It's all about following orders, listening to what everyone wants from you, expects from you. And along the way what they want becomes what you want. And before you know it, you're screwed.
You end up applying for internships you really don't want but need. Oh it's great dinner conversation too, ' oh my kid's working in this bla bla firm. WOW'
You end up saying 'yes, sure okie' to everything you don't mind doing, but doesn't make you feel complete.
Sometimes i wish i was stronger than this. But then i do like pretty things too much. xD
I don't know why i'm so emo right now. Must be the exam stress building up.
It's the first time ever that i've been so prepared for something. Usually it's me freaking out the day before and trying deperately ,futilely to cram things in last minute. It usually works. But since that tactic failed last year, i tried working hard this year. And it's freaking me out.
Sighs...
# posted by Addie @ 3:20 AM 
